


What Was and Is

by terezipyrope



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Drama, Fluff and Smut, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Hate to Love, Love/Hate, Other, POV First Person, Romance, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-10 08:26:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5578462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terezipyrope/pseuds/terezipyrope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Your gender is not specified in this story! The reader-insert character has no canon gender so people of all genders can feel immersed and enjoy!)<br/>Kylo Ren captures a masked rebel during a botched information-theft mission... You. Your relationship with him from many years ago brings confusion about in both you and him... And he intends on using that relationship to pull you into the darkness with him. Will you fall into the darkness?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (The smut will come in around chapter 4 or 5. It's the buildup and release that will make it that much more intense, so please bear with me! This is going to be a ride.)  
> Your past is explored, your present mission failed, and your future looking... Dark.

Growing up, all you wanted to do was train to be a Jedi, just like the heroes before you. You were passionate, and you still are, but you flunked out pretty hard... Turns out that being extremely emotional is something you just can't turn off. But those brief few years of arduous training lead you to a budding romance, the throes of which you and your partner excitedly kindled. "A Jedi Shall Not Know Love." People can claim to take that to heart, but we all know that eventually, we all fall in love at some point. Frankly, the taboo made your relationship that much more exciting for the both of you; The Romeo and Juliet sort of "forbidden love" trope was devilishly romantic, and as inconvenient as it could be, you found yourselves growing closer and closer together.  
That is, until you had to leave. Being a Jedi simply wasn't your calling. You've always had a strong alliance with The Force, but you were never good at controlling it, and often times you dabbled in learning light and dark theologies, much to the chagrin of your elders. But your at-the-time boyfriend, Ben... Ben Solo. He was different. He understood that things weren't so black-and-white. Together, you would talk deep into the night, trading stories and facts about the dark side. It wasn't like you had any ambition to go to the dark side by any means. You may be attracted to the darkness, but you knew that you could never truly sacrifice the light. And you felt the same about Ben, too. The attraction you felt for each other, it was on several different levels, and as your first true "I love you" came from your lips and he mirrored the phrase back to you, you knew that your attraction to each other would eventually be your downfall.

And you were right.

After voluntarily leaving the Jedi academy, you went back home to Ethoth and tried to find your niche there for the time being. Ethoth was always your true home. You loved your lush planet. With its myriad of plants and gigantic wildlife, you felt small but powerful, a trait common in most of your village. Eventually, you found a job that was both appealing and paid well. While you may not be able to pilot a ship, you were extremely skilled at communicating with an extremely temperamental animal from Ethos, the Chausies. These huge cats were easily large enough to ride, and after breeding a pair you bought cheap from a terrified owner, you found that an obedient Chausie goes a long way financially.  
Of course, this lifestyle was not long lived. The power in the galaxy was shifting, and your planet's wildlife could feel it. Even you could feel it. The Force was changing, growing somehow darker. Things were starting to look grim, and once your Chausies had delivered their final litter, you decided to follow that feeling in your gut. You were going to find out how this darkness could grow so steadily, and you were going to stop it.

That's how you joined the Rebellion. You were taken in by the group when you expressed your desire to bring back balance to the galaxy, and your exemplary fighting skills were certainly a welcome attribute as well. You LOVED fighting. The rush of it, the beating of your heart, the drop in your stomach when you almost take a hit. It was intoxicating. While you usually would use a Force push to speed yourself up, or the occasional telekinetic item-toss, your swordsmanship and gunner skills were less than useful. You were downright dangerous to yourself and others when wielding a weapon, so you chose to hone in on your connection with The Force and use it to fight the darkness.

For a few months, you were in intense training with other new recruits. Your lips were constantly swollen and your arms bruised and sore from all of the hand to hand combat encouraged by the older members, but you tread on with more determination than you every thought yourself possible. The training was working, and little by little, you climbed up in the rankings until you found yourself to be one of the best known new recruits. Finally popular and successful, the Rebels gave you meaning again, and your passion you once felt at the Jedi academy was rekindled. You were sent on a series of small missions, and you delivered each time with minimal damage and maximum profit. Their trust in you was growing, and you were keen on showing just what you were made of.

The mission was "simple" enough, all things considered: Get aboard a First Order ship. Implant the disruption device you were given. Extract any and all information possible. An X-ing pilot would fly by at precisely the 1 hour mark. Leave with the hot pilot you've been flirting with for the past two months, but you were pretty sure he wasn't into girls, so... Focus! You'd done plenty of sneaking around at the academy, and you were known to do the occasional sneaking around the Rebel base after dark as well. This wouldn't be much more difficult. It'd just be infinitely more dangerous. Since you weren't ever the type to beat around the bush, you left immediately to fulfill your mission and finally do something meaningful with your training.

Of course, things don't always pan out the way you want them to. After boarding the ship by boring a hole through the lower right side, you abandoned your small autopiloted craft and quickly made your way through the dimly lit corridors, darting to and from the shadows. You were gutsy, but it didn't mean you weren't jumpy. A surge of adrenaline shot through you any time your eyes caught movement, and you froze in place. So far, none of the ship's controls had sensed the security breach. You reckoned that you had maybe 15 minutes or so before it was found, so you dashed through the ship's alley-like halls towards the control center nestled at the heart. A quick few jabs and a force push or two was all it took to knock out the control personnel, and you were officially in. The 20 minute mark was hit. You slid the disruptor into the vacant slot you were instructed to and quickly typed in a series of passcodes, all of which you and only you knew alone. The disruptor was set to scramble the data inside the ship's computer piece by piece, but it took several hours to completely finish. Luckily, the tech back at Rebel Base (as you lovingly dubbed it) gave you a second drive, one specifically for grabbing whatever information it could from the Order's database. As the ship started to swell with activity, you realized that the hole you entered the ship on had been discovered about five minutes after you had anticipated. Working as fast as you could, you extracted all the information you could fit onto the secondary external drive and tucked it into the hand of your right glove. The easy part was over. Now came the danger.

You pulled up your scarf to cover your nose and mouth, not wanting to run into any gasses, and waited for a team of storm troopers to pass the control room. As most of them split off, two made their way towards the command room door, blasters in hand. Knowing that you had no choice but to fight, you readied yourself into the shadows, the most advantageous position you could muster. 30 minutes left. As the door slip open, you swiftly jumped out of the shadows and force pushed the armored men into the opposite wall of the room, giving you a brief head start out. You needed to find a place to lay low and hide for a good 20 minutes. "An hour," you mumbled to yourself. "Fuckin' genius. Like it would take an HOUR to get into the control room and out." After darting through another few halls, you finally found a small closet containing a series of robotic parts. You pushed the parts aside and quickly jumped in and felt around for any weaponry or exits, but no such luck. As you laid low, you took the moment to catch your breath and ping the hot X-wing pilot to get you ASAP. Your communicator dimply lit up with a "Roger that ;)" on the screen and an ETA of 8 minutes. Now that the pilot was on his way, you needed to find a way to get to the left side of the ship where you could bore a hole out again and catch a lift back to the base. Opening the door silently, you peered beyond the edges of the walls before running down another hall and pausing to check the directions you had downloaded from the ship onto your communicator. 2 minutes left.

Your attention, however, was shifted as you turned the next corner to see a towering figure in black standing with its back towards you. You froze. Something felt extremely uncomfortable about this person. The figure turned towards you and in one fluid motion, pressed the button on his lightsaber and lit up the crudely formed red weapon. Its jagged edges sent a shiver crawling your back, and for a brief moment, you wanted to run. But you knew that the Rebels were depending on you. With this cloaked monster standing between you and your only way home, you knew that a fight would have to ensue. Before you could move, you felt your body suddenly jolt and then freeze completely, the air in your lungs escaping like a deflating balloon, your body no longer under your control. Gathering the energy you could, you forced yourself out of its grip and focused on The Force around you, channeling it into your every pore. You opened your eyes and shot a glare at the cloaked figure and sent out a wave of energy to force push the assailant away. Caught off guard momentarily, the figure pulled out the crude lightsaber again and made its way towards you, its cape billowing behind it like a cloud of smoke. You charged forward and pulled out of the way just too late, the tip of the saber hitting your left shoulder and sending a pang of pain through your body. The scent of burnt flesh lingering in the air, you continued on and grit your teeth through the pain as the sound of heavy footsteps trailed not far behind you. You could feel the cloaked figure trying to bend The Force around you, trying desperately to stop you from moving, but you concentrated on The Force and fought back with everything you had until you made it to the right side of the ship. You looked out a small window and saw an X-wing not 500 feet away, your communicator dimply lighting up to alert you of its presence. But a feeling of dread caused your vision to blur. There was no way you were going to make it out of here in time for the pilot to leave without getting shot to smithereens. 

With a final push, mustering all of the energy you could gather, you forced the small window open and force pushed the external drive as hard as you possibly could manage towards the X-wing. The assailant was almost upon you again. The air in the hallway was thinning rapidly with the open window exposed to the vacuum of space. You pulled your communicator up to your mouth and hastily spoke what you were certain were going to be your final words: "No time, go without me." As the cloaked assailant closed in on you, you tossed your communicator out the window and ran down the hallway where the air was thicker until you felt more and more lightheaded. A momentary blackness bled into your field of vision and you found yourself looking up. Another blur of blackness. The masked figure above you. More blackness. The world had never felt so dark. You didn't even feel it as you sipped into unconsciousness. 

 


	2. The Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Fairly short chapter!* The POV switches to Kylo Ren as he learns the identity of the captured rebel. He makes a decision regarding their treatment. (No smut yet. This is leading up to it.)

"What a waste."

Kylo Ren strode through the dimly lit hallways with purpose, hardly stopping for a brief pause before entering his personal chambers. He had long known that the rebellion would be sending one of their men over sooner or later, and he thought his team of men would have been better prepared. The repairs on the ship were underway, but they were costly and would not reflect well in his favor to the rest of the Order. The captured rebel was being kept unconscious in the only containment facility on the ship, which may work for the better. Kylo did not much enjoy the idea of Hux hovering around him as he attempted to withdraw information from the rebel's mind. As inconvenient as it was, it felt nice to be on his own turf where he was fully in control of the goings-on.

Gripping the external drive the rebel had been clutching even past their unconsciousness, Kylo plodded in a series of numbers on a small keypad outside his door. The doors opened silently and he slid in quietly, reaching up to remove his mask. He pulled his mask off in a fluid motion and gently tossed it onto the table by his room entrance. The external drive in his hands was full of code programmed by the rebel base, but it had yielded nearly useless when it wiped itself clean once it sensed a breach of security as the techs attempted to piecemeal the code for rebel secrets. It was an impressive code scrambler and it did do a fair amount of damage on the ship's base coding, but it was useless to the Rebellion once the techs wipes it clean.

The past few years had not been easy on him. Every day, he felt an unwilling tug towards the light, and every day, he forces more memories down into his mind. It wasn't that he felt that memories of living in the light were bad, but they were tempting, and so he needed to alter them. Rather than disposing of his memories, Kylo had learned how to change the feeling of them from a light happiness to a bitter darkness. He resented the memories that tempted him, regarding them as merely needless obstacles on his way to true power. It wasn't just infuriating, it was sometimes downright torturous. To change the way one views their memories is no easy task, and it was long taking a toll on Kylo's psyche. He had retreated to his room with the intention of blowing off some steam after an outburst following the lack of information on the external drive, but he instead found himself reminiscing upon the past. This was unacceptable. With reckless abandon, Kylo dropped to the seat of his slick modern couch and folded his hands under his chin. He stared at the helmet of his long fallen grandfather and closed his eyes, meditating upon the darkness in himself. He willed himself out of the light and into the darkness, immersing all his energy in embracing the ever evolving darkness of the universe.

Snapping back into reality, Kylo's eyes opened as a notification ring chimed through his quarters. He stood up and strode past the the table, passing his hands over his mask and slipping it on. He spoke into a small intercom near his door. It had been the intelligence hug that chimed him. "What is it?" "We have intel on the rebel spy, my lord." Kylo paused for a brief moment. "I'm on my way." It was a very large stroke of luck to have found out information on the spy. They had not been captured long, and there's almost always the likelihood of no records of them existing anywhere once they've joined the resistance. This member must have been new. All for the better, thought Kylo. While they might not know much, they'll be that much easier to read... And that much easier to break.

Kylo made his way through the ship and finally to a small room with a few computers and a holodeck where one of his officers stood plodding information onto a keyboard. As Kylo approached, the officer turned and greeted him. "Show me the details." said Kylo, stopping a few feet from the computers. The officer typed in a few numbered passcodes and brought up a small list of locations, addresses, credit amounts and photos of the rebel. Kylo's stomach fell as he peered over the holographic figure of a person he hadn't thought of in years and definitely had never thought he would meet again.

The voice of the officer sounded distant and fuzzy. Kylo's stomach dropped, his heart pounded. He felt dizzy. As the officer continued explaining the biography, Kylo suddenly pulled out his lightsaber and slashed repeatedly at the computers in front of him. One by one, the lashes left a deep steaming gash and a shower of electric sparks. Every hit made his head feel calmer and calmer, until he finally withdrew his blade and turned his heel quickly past the extremely startled officer. This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not when he was so close to forfeiting all of the light form his being. A wave of confusion and anger again crashed over him as he stumbled through the halls and into his quarters.

It had been so many years. The only person he had ever said "I love you" to and truly meant it in a romantic way. So many nights spent together, watching the stars and talking about their dreams and goals of the future. So many late night debates about The Force... So many passionate kisses. The only person with whom he had ever made love was here, and as a prisoner whom he intended to be interrogated and mercilessly disposed of. He had to get a hold of himself. Kylo threw his mask off and stormed into the bathroom, turning on the faucet and splashing his face with the water. He looked up and into the mirror, his black hair hanging limply in front of his face. This could not continue. He had no choice. No mercy would be given. But even as he said this to himself, doubts still bubbled up under the surface, the pressure building inside of his head until he silenced his mind and walked over to the mask on the floor. Bending over to pick it up, he pulled the mask over his face and closed his eyes. It was time for another test, and there was no possibility of him letting himself fail.


	3. The Masks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POV switch back to you. The man behind the mask is revealed, and while your heart aches from the past... You are furious and not going down without a fight. (The smut will VERY likely begin in chapter 5, as the next chapter will be a POV switch again. I'm not sure how far I'm going to take it, but there will definitely be a release of tension. If you catch my drift. *Eyebrow waggle*)

Your eyes opened, vision still blurry from a deep and unrestful sleep. Memories were fuzzy and floating through your mind like ashes in the wind, and everything in your body ached sorely. Willing yourself awake and fully alert, you saw an alarmingly tall figure in full black robes facing you. It suddenly occurred to you that this was the assailant from before, and that you had indeed been captured. Wonderful. Your first truly important mission was botched, you were now missing your favorite scarf, and now you were in the clutches of one of the most ruthless members of the Order. Still, you felt rather pleased that the external drive was able to make it to the annoyingly good looking pilot's ship. You smiled to yourself and closed your eyes, focusing not on the figure in front of you but on calming down the screaming aches in your body.

"I see that you're finally awake now," said the figure in a deep electrically altered voice. "I was nearly going to wake you up myself. We have a lot to discuss." You furrowed your brow and shot a piercing glare through the mask of the man.

"It seems that you have an amazing capability of keeping onlookers from your mind. Remarkably strong powers with the Force."

"Fuck you," you spat to him. "You won't get a thing from me. Do what you want. I refuse to be intimidated by a slave."

"A slave?" he asked, a bemused tone in his voice.

"What are you hoping to gain from this little stint, huh? Do you have any idea-" Your words were caught short by the jagged tip of a red lightsaber inches from your nose.

"I'll be the one asking questions today. You're hardly in the place to be flippant, so I would advice that you watch your mouth." The lightsaber retracted into its hilt and the man placed it back into his belt. "You're new in the resistance. Typically, a new recruit wouldn't be sent on such a dangerous task, but I can see why you were an exception. Your skills with the force are considerably stark." he paused for a beat and then spoke quietly. "You've grown into your power well."

You frowned at the robed man. "I've grown?" you growled out warily.

The man reached for his head and clicked his mask on the sides, lifting it off slowly, his head bowed. His dark hair framed the hardened, faintly smirking face of... Of...

Your heart pounded in your chest, the blood from your face rushing downwards, your eyes wide, a sensation of shock so physical that you felt frozen in time.

"Ben..."

Ben Solo stood in front of you, his chipped mask in his hands. "You seem to be doing well." He smiled almost mischievously.

Your eyes watered against your will. You thought he was gone forever. After all of those letters, all of those messages sent, every week trying to contact him, and then finally General Leia telling you softly and in privacy that "Ben was gone," you could never have imagined... This.

"H-how. How could you. You were so... I thought you were..."

He took a few short steps closer to you and apathetically wiped a tear away from your cheek. "My name is no longer what you knew. To point out the obvious, I've changed vastly since we last met. I am Kylo Ren."

"I... But General Organa... She said you were gone."

Kylo's expression shifted, his eyes narrowing away as he stepped away from you and faced the door. He was silent for a good minute, and you were genuinely worried that he would turn around in a second and slash you into pieces. Finally, he shifted slightly and quietly began to speak.

"Neither she nor my father knows nothing of me and means nothing to me." He started speaking as he turned around and walked slowly towards you. "I am not the young jedi you knew, and I am not Ben Solo. I am a power greater than any of those things. I am more powerful than even our old teacher." He continued stepping towards you, his eyes alight with fervor as he spoke. "I have killed hundreds of men, I have defeated hundreds of soldiers, and I have climbed my way up to become one of the top force users in the galaxy. With every day, I work harder and grow stronger. I can feel it in you, too... You have the raw strength even to resist my abilities." At this point, his face was but a few inches from your ear and his voice was but a whisper.

"I could help you. I could train you." His breath was warm against your ear, sending an unwanted shiver crawling down your back. "Together, we could be unstoppable."

You felt more tears well up, but inside your chest, you felt a boiling anger rising up as well. Your head was full of loud, sharp static. The boy whom you had loved, your best friend, the only person you've ever let _inside_ of you... He was one of the driving forces of the most hateful organization in the galaxy. Your heart hurt like you had been punched, but your pain and heartache were quickly being masked more and more as the anger within began welling up until it felt like it was bursting through your pores like tiny needles of fire.

"How... How dare you," you sputtered weakly. "How... Dare you... Abandon everybody like that..." Kylo raised and eyebrow and looked at you with interest as your head bowed down, your hair covering your eyes. "How dare you let yourself surrender to the darkness. We were smarter than that! We knew that together, the darkness and the light could do anything! You've completely abandoned everything we ever did, everything we ever trained for, everything we've ever talked about! YOU SURRENDERED! HOW COULD YOU BE SO WEAK?"

Your voice echoed in the small room and dissipated into nothingness. Chest heaving with breath and emotion, you stared at a now frowning Kylo Ren. His face had darkened, and you were both now in an eye contact lockdown with one another. Kylo let out a smooth sigh, closed his eyes, and reopened them as if resetting a computer. 

"I'll be back tomorrow to continue our... Conversation. Get comfortable. You're going to be here until I get what I need."

He coldly turned around, his cape cresting out from behind him sending a wave of air past you.

Before he left the room, you caught him taking one last glance at your red face.


	4. The Masks, pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The POV switches to Kylo as he reveals his identity to the fallen rebel.

The walk Kylo Ren had taken hundreds of times from his room to the prisoner containment facility had felt like it took a hundred years. A bead of sweat ran down his forehead, forcing him to stop and wipe it from under his mask. Usually, he felt like the mask was an added layer of protection, a reminder of the power he was driving to have and exude. But today, the mask felt suffocating as if it was holding all of the heat of his body right there on his face.

Finally making it to the door, Kylo faltered before reaching out and entering the passcode to open the door. The smooth metallic doors slid noiselessly open and he strode inside without hesitation, stony in his resolve to destroy anything that stood in his way to power... To destroy anyone who stood in his way.

The rebel was strapped into an interrogation seat, their wrists red under the steel cuffs. Blood soaked their clothes along their shoulder where they had been grazed by his saber the day before, and the coppery smell of dry blood hung in the background of the room as a constant reminder of the rebels lost mission. Their face, though bruised along their cheek, was matured and beautiful. Seeing them with their eyes closed reminded Kylo of the many nights in their teens when they would sleep next to him, their frame encased by his arms, the scent of their hair in his face.

Realizing that he had been standing silently for over a minute, Kylo began checking their vitals, making sure they weren't too badly injured to be interrogated. After confirming that they weren't overly injured, Kylo approached them and began a journey into their mind, scanning for any information he could get. To his surprise, their mind was guarded like a fortress. Kylo presses on, focusing more and pushing harder to break open their sealed mind, but after several minutes of multiple attempts, he broke away irritated and with a vague pounding in his head.

His attention shot to the fallen rebel as their eyes fluttered open, their head rolling around slowly as they readjusted to their surroundings. Kylo was taken momentarily aback, and for a split second was almost intimidated to see them. He sharply focused his mind again and calmed his thoughts, reminding himself that he was in the position of power. Not only was he in complete control of them, but they had no ideas who he was and they wouldn't know until he chose to reveal himself.

"I see that you're finally awake now," he said, monitoring his voice for any signs of weakness. "I was nearly going to wake you up myself. We have a lot to discuss." They shot an icy glare at him, making him smile behind his mask. It was good to see that they hadn't lost that fighting spirit that he had found so alluring years ago.  
"It seems that you have an amazing capability of keeping onlookers from your mind. Remarkably strong powers with the Force."

"Fuck you," they spat back at him. Kylo raised his eyebrows behind his mask. "You won't get a thing from me. Do what you want. I refuse to be intimidated by a slave."

"A slave?" he asked, now curious to see where they were going with this line of questioning. Kylo had a feeling he knew the thoughts they were sending his way, but still their mind was on lockdown.

"What are you hoping to gain from this little stint, huh? Do you have any idea-"

Kylo pulled out his light saber with a fluid motion and pointed it towards their throat, his face stoney and apathetic.

"I'll be the one asking questions today. You're hardly in the place to be flippant, so I would advice that you watch your mouth." He retracted his light saber and placed it back into his belt. "You're new in the resistance. Typically, a new recruit wouldn't be sent on such a dangerous task, but I can see why you were an exception. Your skills with the force are considerably stark." he paused for a beat and then spoke quietly. "You've grown into your power well."

And he was being honest. They had always been strongly aligned with the force, but this power was almost unbelievable. Nobody had ever been able to guard their mind from him awake, much less asleep. He could see that they've been training hard, and it was paying off. He hated to admit it to himself, but it was somehow alluring, almost seductive.

"I've grown?"

Seeing his opportunity and feeling more sentimental than he would have liked, Kylo reached for his head and clicked his mask on the sides, lifting it off slowly, his head bowed. He smiled smugly to himself. This would be a devastating blow, and he was looking forward to seeing their reaction.

Their reaction was, of course, just as he predicted.

"Ben..."

"You seem to be doing well." He smiled almost mischievously.

"H-how. How could you. You were so... I thought you were..."

He took a few short steps closer to them and wiped a tear away from their cheek. The tear drop absorbed into his glove, and for a brief second, he wished he could have had his gloves off. "My name is no longer what you knew. To point out the obvious, I've changed vastly since we last met. I am Kylo Ren."

"I... But General Organa... She said you were gone."

Kylo's expression shifted, his eyes narrowing away as he stepped away from you and faced the door. So that was what they had thought. It wasn't two months after they left that he had abandoned his practice and slaughtered the rest of his classmates, and it looked like they hadn't found out, again putting him in a position of power, just where he preferred he be. Finally, he shifted slightly and quietly began to speak.

"Neither she nor my father knows nothing of me and means nothing to me. I am not the young jedi you knew, and I am not Ben Solo. I am a power greater than any of those things. I am more powerful than even our old teacher." Kylo was on a roll, the words pouring out of his mouth, his brain pounding on a for of passion. "I have killed hundreds of men, I have defeated hundreds of soldiers, and I have climbed my way up to become one of the top force users in the galaxy. With every day, I work harder and grow stronger. I can feel it in you, too... You have the raw strength even to resist my abilities." At this point, his face was but a few inches from their ear. Their hair stick together in small clumps of dried blood, but still, Kylo could smell their skin. Deep down, he knew that what he would say next could be a huge mistake. But their power... Their power was so great, he needed to see this through. He would not waste this opportunity.

"I could help you. I could train you." He paused.

"Together, we could be unstoppable."

Kylo saw the tears welling up in their eyes.

"How... How dare you," they sputtered weakly. "How... Dare you... Abandon everybody like that..." Kylo raised and eyebrow, surprised not by the outburst but by the contents of the message.

"How dare you let yourself surrender to the darkness. We were smarter than that! We knew that together, the darkness and the light could do anything! You've completely abandoned everything we ever did, everything we ever trained for, everything we've ever talked about! YOU SURRENDERED! HOW COULD YOU BE SO WEAK?"

Their voice echoed in the small room and dissipated slowly. Kylo stood rigid, his heart pounding in his chest, a heat rising in his torso. His face had darkened, and he looked deeply into their eyes, searching for any opening their mind may have yielded. It appeared that if he wanted to reunite with a power unparalleled, time would need to be taken to improve their view of him. Kylo let out a smooth sigh, closed his eyes, and reopened them as if resetting a computer. He had decided on a course of action, and regardless of the repercussions, he was certain that this was the best move.

"I'll be back tomorrow to continue our... Conversation. Get comfortable. You're going to be here until I get what I need."

He coldly turned around, his cape cresting out from behind him.

Before he left the room, Kylo quietly turned back to catch one last glance of the face he once had loved more than any.


	5. The Sparr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Explicit content, rough sex ahead. Be warned. I tried my best, again, to keep the inserted characters gender and sex totally ambiguous, so please let me know if you see anything I should change! This is the first smut I've ever written, and I'm very open to criticism! Thanks!)  
> You didn't expect it to happen, but somehow it didn't feel surprising at all.

You spent your first night coherent in Ben's prison, and while the discomfort of your still fresh wounds was agitating, at this point, you were ready to give just about anything for a shower and an actual meal, rather than the cup of water and nutrient-bread piece given to you twice a day by a very grumpy storm trooper. Your clothes felt stiff and smelled like sweat and blood, and you itched in all the places your hands couldn't reach. Physical issues aside, your brain was alight almost all night replaying the scene that sat fresh in your mind. Ben was on his way to becoming a Sith Lord. Leia likely had no idea, and you were angrily pecking away at any residual feelings for him that you held in your mind.

It was unbelievable that a guy as bright and passionate as Ben was could fall into the darkness so eagerly. You had never had any temptation to delve completely into the darkness. Rather, you preferred utilizing elements of it with elements of the light to create a more balanced energy around yourself. You've always admired the balance of the night sky, the bright illumination of the billions of stars contrasting past the vast darkness of the void of space. Without one, the other wouldn't be nearly as beautiful. Without the darkness, there is no contrast to the light.

Fighting your insomnia tooth and nail, you finally managed to doze off for what felt like just a few moments before you felt a tug at your mind and your eyes flashed open again. In front of you was Kylo Ren's outstretched hand, pulling you awake with the power of the force. You gave an unintentional groan and straightened up, your neck making a sickening crackling noise as you shifted positions.

"I didn't mean to interrupt your nap."

"Uh, yeah, you kind of did," you scoffed, nodding your head towards his hand.

"No need to get feisty. I hope you've thought about my offer from yesterday, though I don't blame you if you haven't yet made your choice."

You closed your eyes, your head full of a thumping pain. It was difficult to focus on anything with the amount of discomfort you felt, and you were starting to worry that your mind's guard was beginning to wane. Kylo Ren walked over to you, his mask obscuring his face, and pulled a rolling table to his side. He picked up a small wet cloth and began wiping away at the blood on your chin. His movements were gentle and slow, but you couldn't shake the feeling that this was all just an act to get you to agree to join him, as small of an act it was.

"I don't expect you to give me an answer right away. It must be seriously uncomfortable to be restrained for so long when you're injured."

Tossing the rust colored cloth onto the table, he stepped away from you and pressed a series of keys on one of the many flat computers nestled in the wall. The restraints holding your wrists, ankles and torso in place retracted with a snap and your body crumpled to the ground weakly. Even though you could barely stand, you grunted as you pulled one of your knees up, attempting to at least kneel on your own. Kylo's hand grasped your wrist and pulled you up. You didn't try to resist as he supported your body's weight and got you to your feet.

You furrowed your brow and looked up at him suspiciously. God, he was huge, easily over half a foot taller than you.

"What are you doing?"

He didn't answer you as he walked you out of the room and past a few doors, stopping finally at one and opening it without a code. As the doors slid open, you saw saw what appeared to be a sleek bathroom. It felt like your mouth was practically watering as Kylo helped you limp over to the toilet where he sat you down.

"Take your time getting cleaned up. Hopefully one of the uniforms fits you, otherwise you'll be wearing those disgusting clothes for the next few days."

Your eyes flickered from the mask to the counter where several folded black uniforms were nearly placed. This all seemed nice, but you were still extremely skeptical. Why would he let you out so quickly, and why haven't you been interrogated yet?

"Knock on the door when you've finished. Someone will be in regardless of a knock after an hour, so I would be ready by then if I were you."

It was endlessly frustrating that you couldn't read his tone of voice when he spoke through that stupid mask.

"You know, you don't need to wear that mask to scare me anymore. Or... Are you wearing it for another reason?" While you couldn't see it for yourself, you could feel his eyes on you. He paused for a brief moment.

"57 minutes." He walked to the door and stopped, turning to look at you. "Nobody likes an exhibitionist, but feel free to take your time."

In your entire life, never once has a shower felt so goddamn amazing. The muscles in your body finally began to quiet down, the aches receding back for the first time in two days, and you finally felt like you had time to think. Problem was, you were almost afraid to think. You were in a serious situation. Ben could be holding your home hostage, or you could have some horrible implant or something. Speculating would do you no good, however, so you resolved to simply enjoy however brief a moment you had to feel clean for the first time in days.

The uniforms folded on the counter came in an array of different sizes, and while you opted on keeping your own undergarments, one of the uniforms for quite well. It was a basic training uniform, black from head to toe and not a particularly flattering ensemble. The baggy top may not have clung to your body in the most attractive way, but damn it felt good to be wearing something that wasn't stiff with sweat. You could even admit that the cotton fabric felt nice, almost comforting against your skin. There were no shoes with the outfit, but you did manage to find your boots in the bathroom stuffed under your sticky old clothes.

After adjusting the outfit to your liking, you turned and knocked on the door. You had to admit to yourself that you were nervous to see what was in store for you, and for the first time since your shower, a vague anxiety was starting to set in. A storm trooper opened the door and jerked his gun towards the hall, the unspoken motion for "follow me," and you followed him down the simply lit hall. You were lead down a few halls and turned a few times, though you took note of exactly how the ship was laid out in case somehow you would be able to escape. You needed to be able to navigate your way out of the ship if that were the case.

Finally, the trooper came to a halt and opened up a large doorway, revealing a small gym-like room with padded walls and a hard smooth floor made from some kind of material that had great reaction for footwork. In the middle of the room was Kylo Ren, topless and sweating, striking out at an invisible opponent with deadly accuracy and speed. His torso was speckled with scars and bruises, and his body was glistening with perspiration, a thin glaze of sweat illustrating the dedication to his training.

He finished up the move he had initiated before your entrance and turned his attention on you and the trooper. "Leave us," he said shortly to the trooper. With that. The trooper pushed you roughly into the room and left, leaving you standing awkwardly by the doorway, your eyes stuck on Kylo Ren's rather impressive physique. He really filled out well. You know, for a psychopath.

Kylo Ren nodded down towards your feet, where you saw a long solid baton-like stick on the floor. You bent down and lifted it up, keeping your eyes on Kylo Ren the entire time. His expression never shifted from one of a business casual seriousness as you straightened up and readied your weapon.

"I don't expect you to stay on my ship without earning your keep. None of the imbeciles working for me are capable of keeping up with my combat skills, so for the time being-" he launched himself towards you with a gust of speed and nearly struck your injured shoulder, narrowly missing you as you instinctively dodged out of the way.

"Nicely done," he breathed out, stretching his back, his muscles flashing with a subtle brevity. Your stomach dropped, the realization dawning on you that your body was betraying your hatred for this traitor. You were still extremely attracted to him, and it was every bit as difficult as it was so long ago to control those urges.

The air in your lungs suddenly exited with a painful punch, and your body seized up as you were force pushed into one of the padded walls. You fell to your knees and took a painful gasp as Kylo walked towards you, both his and your batons in his hands. You looked up at him, a glimmer of hatred in your eyes, disgusted by what he had become. Allowing that resentment to boil up, you channeled it into a raw form of energy charging through your body, bursting with the pain and fear and longing that had swilled up inside of you over the past few days. A charge of purple electricity grew from your hands and while lunging ferociously at Kylo Ren, you saw the look of surprised in his eyes.

He dodged out of the way, a surprising move for such an aggressive fighter, and you felt your body beginning to freeze up again, but you channeled that anger from electricity back into determination and fought the force clenching your muscles together. Mustering what power you could, you sent a wave of energy at Kylo Ren, causing his body to fly into a wall opposite of you, mirroring his push early on in the battle. You were sweating too now, and the baggy top of your uniform was beginning to slide off of your shoulder and down your arm, revealing a partially healed wound.

Kylo stood up faster than you were able to and lunged at you while simultaneously sending a force push your way. In a flash, you were pinned to a wall by him, his face towering over yours, his arms pushing your shoulders painfully into the padding. Wincing from the pain, you forced one eye open and saw a tenacity in Kylo's eyes that felt familiar. It was the same burning passion that you saw in his eyes when you would lay face to face at night, the same burning you saw when he would speak about the legacy of his grandfather. The same gaze he always had when he saw your face from across the room.

He whispered into your ear softly now, his hands still pinning your arms to the wall.

"We could restart where we left off."

His lips were almost touching yours now, the both of you breathing heavily from the combat, tense with adrenaline. What felt like an eternity passed when he suddenly let his lips touch yours slowly and gently, his eyes closing to savor every feeling and sensation. Your eyes closed and your body went into autopilot. You kissed him back gently, your chest feeling tight.

The realization of what you had just done hit you like a wall of bricks, and you yanked backwards, shaving him in the chest away from you. You were disgusted with yourself, and your expression showed it. Kylo must have felt similarly, as his brow furrowed with equal parts confusion and agitation. You strides up to him and shoved him again, for the first time losing your temper on him rather than the other way around.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" You shoved him again. "You can't just act like nothing's happened!" Another shove. "You're not Ben, you're not Kylo Ren or whatever, you don't know who the hell you are!" At this point, he was allowing himself to continue being shoved, not feeling hurt by your words but looking interested at what you had to say, and somehow coming off condescendingly in doing so. "Nothing is going to be the same, so just fucking kill me already! Do it! DO IT!" The last shove sent him to the wall, the third time your bodies had hit the padding over the course of the few minutes you had been sparring.

Kylo Ren seemed to be smiling, and his grinning face sent a wave of heat down your torso. You shoved him Ito the wall again, this time more gently, and finally surrendered to the temptation that had been hanging in the air. Your body pressed against his with a rugged force as the loose shoulder of your top drifted further down your arm. You kissed him roughly, biting at his lower lip, when you felt his hand make a fist with your hair. He pressed his face harder into yours, his other hand trailing down to your lower back where he pulled your hips towards his body, the two of you now intertwined.

You groaned gently, eyes closed and fingers clawing down his back, leaving red scratch marks where your nails grazed his skin. You felt a smug sense of pride at his sudden intake of breath, a sign of your dominance over his body. Though you were the prisoner, you were in control of him for the moment. Control was never something that got you off in any particular way before, but it felt pretty fucking nice for the time being, a welcome change to an otherwise hopeless situation.

Kylo shifted with a sudden motion, switching positions with you and sending you to the floor on your butt. He knelt down in front of you and pulled your head to his, continuing to kiss you roughly, tongue rolling across yours with little grace. Your hair was still in his fist, a tugging on your scalp tightening slightly, the sensation causing you to tense up in his arms. His neck exposed itself to your mouth and you exited the kiss by dragging your nose down its length and pulling his skin between your teeth, biting him with intent to maim, but somehow also to please.

He tightened his grip on your head and let out another ragged moan, a combination of pain and pleasure that sent your vision blurry with desire. Letting go of your hair, his hands lifted your shirt off of your body, the release of heat causing your nipples to go rock hard. His thumbs pressed against them and rolled in slow circles, a sensation you had never felt before. You grinded into his body, legs apart, not feeling vulnerable but feeling for the first time in days on an equal level with him, the both of you turning and twisting each other's bodies with the intent of making it twitch with pleasure, a battle of sorts between two warriors, both equally intent on owning the other.

It wasn't another three minutes of this back and fourth power shift and flurry of body parts before you felt his hand slip under the waistband of your pants and down to your crotch, where he began massaging you slowly. Your flushed face contorted as your body let out a gasp and your chest swung into his reflexively. His motions were faster now, waves of pleasure flowing through you, your toes curling and goosebumps spreading over your arms and legs. With a final cry, you let out a wet stream onto his hand, ignoring the slight twinge of humiliation at him having gotten you off first.

You pushed into him, the waist of your pants now several inches down your thighs, and plunged your hands under his loose training pants, grasping his hard cock with little regard for how rough you were, and pulled it out towards your hips, mounting him backwards and sliding him into you. Rocking back and fourth, you worked your body around him slowly and steadily, clenching and you lifted up and loosening as you pressed yourself back down. His groans grew more frequent and his grip around your waist tightened until finally, with one last thrust, he pulled out and came onto your lower back, the warm liquid sticky and dripping slowly onto his lap.

You rolled off of him, the both of you on the floor together, and you laid your head back against the wall, looking up apathetically at the ceiling.

You closed your eyes, your fingers just barely touching his.

"Well. Fuck."


	6. The Gray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You messed up. That should not have happened. And worse yet, the ship is landing. You're officially a captive of the Order. But Kylo Ren has plans for you... And you may just end up agreeing to them.  
> (Just some light smut, nothing explicit this time around. it'll get there again, don't you worry.)

Several hours later, you were back in the containment facility, but luckily not restrained in that 5 and a half foot metal nightmare chair. The small room was dimly lit and it gave you time to think on the events that had passed earlier. After you and Kylo Ren had laid on the floor for a good five minutes in silence, he got up wordlessly and tossed the fighting baton at you. Mirroring his attitude, you got up, wiped yourself down and held your weapon in a battle-ready position. You fought with him for a good hour, though the fight was considerably less tense, until he finally landed a strike across your cheekbone, a sickening crack resounding through the room. Your face ached, and while it wasn't nearly as swollen as you would have thought, you were sure that your cheek bone had been cracked. You could only imagine the red and purple hues as you gazed into the reflective surfaces of the walls and gently ran your fingers across the wound. God, you fucked up. You fucked up bad. You fucked up so badly that your stomach hurt with anxiety. Bravery is something you've always had in abundance, but now it was something you were clinging desperately to. 

Your brain was stuck between working on overtime and just shutting down completely. You had no idea why or how you could have let yourself do that with him. That was not Ben. You reminded yourself that you would never see Ben again, and that this new person, this Kylo Ren, was nothing to you. Somebody that you could never feel real affection for. Sure, he could be an outlet for lust, but...

No. What were you saying? You couldn't continue like this. You needed to focus less on your emotions and more on escaping. Yeesh, you were stating to remind yourself of the Jedi code, which had always left a foul taste in your mouth. But, it was true, this was one of the few times when you had to abandon your emotions and try to think clearly of a way to exit this situation. Kylo Ren was an extremely dangerous opponent, and you had an inkling that he would soon be joining up with the rest of the First Order, lessening your chances of escape dramatically. 

It was in the middle of this thought that a duo of storm troopers marched into the room, guns in hand. "Follow," commanded one as the other weaved behind you. You felt the tip of a gun at your back the entire way as the front trooper navigated his way through the halls. Unfamiliar voices echoed throughout the ship, finally becoming clearer as you approached the ship's entrance, the hatch open and leading out to a vastly expansive docking station. 

You couldn't help it. "Fuck," you said to yourself. The stormtrooper behind you shoved his gun against your spine, as if to dare you to speak again, a dare that you weren't too keen on accepting, given the present circumstances. You looked towards the voices and saw Kylo Ren walking beside a neatly uniformed man with slick orange hair and a pasty disposition. His face was stuck somewhere between grimacing and smirking, and you couldn't help but think him almost comical standing next to the towering Kylo Ren. The two storm troopers relocated to your sides, each taking one of your arms tightly, preventing you from moving, not that there was anywhere to go had you planned to run. Kylo Ren strode in front of you and you could feel his gaze from behind the mask as you scowled up at him. He was quickly joined by the pasty ginger man who raised an eyebrow as he looked you up and down.

"I trust that this is the fallen rebel, then?" His uniform had the decorations of a general, so you knew you had to be careful around this guy. He was obviously in a high position of power, and now that you were officially in the Order's territory, you needed to be hyper aware of your surroundings. 

"They don't have any useful information, but their abilities with the force are strong. If we can break them, they would be an unparalleled ally." said Kylo Ren to the general in his deep and distorted voice.

The general's expression didn't change, though you could see he was almost amused. "I don't suppose your little mind tricks worked on this one, then." You could almost feel the heat of anger rise out of Kylo.

"As I said, their abilities with the force are... Stronger than most. It will take time with this one."

"And if you can't break them?"

Kylo Ren was silent for a beat. 

"Then we dispose of them, obviously."  You turned your glare up to a full scowl as the general looked to you.

"And does this rebel scum have a name?"

"Bite me." Your words came out as a snarl, gums bared and teeth flashing the general.

"How uncivilized." He turned his head to look toward Kylo Ren. "Do what you must, but keep..." The general took a brief glance at you. "IT out of my sight. They seem to be practically frothing at the mouth." You narrowed your eyes.

"Get close and see, imp trash."

The general looked stoically at the storm trooper to your left, prompting the masked trooper to backhand you across the facial wound you earlier acquired. The pain thumped up, your legs losing balance as your body sent a frantic message of ache through your muscles. Smiling, the general walked away, not looking back once.

Kylo Ren lead the way, you two storm troopers still clasped around your arms, your legs doing what they could to keep up. The slap had momentarily shut your muscle control down, and the sound of your boots dragging across the floor as the troopers roughly pulled you towards your destination. You didn't much care that you were being dragged because your mind was busily trying to memorize the path from the docks to wherever you were being taken. This was no easy task, as you were still in pain, and the events from earlier that day were still weighing heavily over your thoughts. After a good two minutes of walking through a maze of halls that you could barely keep up with, Kylo Ren stopped in front of a solo storm trooper standing in front of a heavy door. The trooper quickly stepped to the side, allowing Kylo to input a passcode and open the doors, where the storm troopers at your side vigorously pushed you forward. Your body still reeling in pain, you lost your balance after the push and ran into Kylo Ren's back, hitting him and crumbling to the ground. Now more interested in the fate of the trooper than your own, you twisted your head back to see the storm troopers backing up hastily, nearly dropping their weapons in fright. Kylo turned and lifted his arm, sending a shock of energy towards the troopers, force pushing them out the door and tumbling into the hall.

A smirk crept across your aching face as you were pulled forcefully up by the arm, Kylo now taking you himself. You looked up at his mask, hoping you were making a brief moment of eye contact.

"So what now?" you asked, your voice more hoarse than you would have liked.

"You wait until I find a use for you."

With that, you were brought to a smaller subsection on the large containment facility and pushed into an open cell, the door slamming soundlessly. You couldn't hear him walking away, and you couldn't hear any of the cacophony outside. In fact, it was almost entirely silent aside from a vague ringing in your ears. Slumping down against the wall, you allowed yourself to drift off, a small reward for insulting that repulsive general enough to make him take a whack at you, no matter how indirectly. 

You didn't know how much time had passed after that, but your internal clock was suggesting it had been just over a day since you've arrived in your new cell. The floors were kept cold and there was scarcely enough room for two people to stand. The only adornment was a basic waste bowl in the far corner and a roll of tissue, which you had taken apart and started shredding into bits over the bowl to pass the time. If nothing, at least you were wasting some resources. Another version of the poor excuse for a meal given to you since you had been held captive was slipped through a narrow slot towards the bottom of the door, the tray toppling over and spilling a meager cup of water and a hard fist sized portion of... Well, you couldn't really call it "bread," but "bread with some sort of stones and lumps" in it was what it looked like.  Picking around the lumps, you managed to chip off a few sour bits to quell your rolling stomach, following it with a quarter of the water that was left in the spilt cup. This pattern of shredding, scraping, sleeping and eating had kept up for perhaps another day or two before you found yourself nearly dying of boredom and hunger.

It wasn't exactly lucky, but it was a welcome change of pace from the never ending monotony of the cell when the clicking of an unlatched lock came through the door. You sat, still shredding toilet paper into the bowl as the door opened and there, standing ever so statuesque, was Kylo Ren again. He looked down at you, and then to the bowl of mushy water and tissue 

"Keeping ourselves entertained?"

"Paper mache. I'm going to make a knife and fight my way out with it."

Kylo scoffed. "Get up. We have work to do." He turned out as you stood up, not waiting to see if you would follow. His long legs took long strides, and even his walking pace was almost difficult to keep up with, especially after being still for so long. A storm trooper with a partially melted helmet lagged behind you, perhaps a foot or two, leaving extra space so as not to make the same mistake twice. Black lines of scorch marks covered his torso, and you realized that it must have been Ben... No, Kylo Ren's foul temper that had caused the damage. Ben was always known to have a temper on him, and it made sense that his newly acquired taste for darkness would only exacerbate his anger. Taking a mental note of this, you continued to follow, almost jogging to keep up, as Kylo Ren approached a lone door. The storm trooper, though wearing a mask, seemed almost puzzled by the sudden stop, almost running into you from behind, as if he hadn't expected to stop at this room. Kylo turned to the storm trooper and made a dismissive motion at him, the trooper turning promptly and marching away. Confused by the lack of armada, you watched as Kylo again entered a passcode beside the doorway, this one longer and more complex than the others. He grabbed you by the wrist firmly, not roughly, and pulled you inside.

The interior of the room felt like a townhouse of sorts, large and dimly lit. The sleek walls were modern and dark, and the room smelled somehow familiar. It smelled like him. He walked further inside briskly, passing several closed doors, and into a small living room with a sleek, low to the ground couch and a table with a single relic placed in the middle of it, the highlight of the room. Darth Vader's helmet stared at you, a haunting piece of history, contorted and melted into a distorted face like a nightmare that had become solid somehow. Unsure of where to go or what to do, you stood almost frozen in place as Kylo walked along the table, pulling his mask off with one hand and setting it alongside the deformed helmet. Slowly, he sat down on a couch opposing you and motioned for you to take a seat as well. 

You remained standing, still surveying the room. It was all you could do not to take a glance at his face, his eyes peering up at you, shining just slightly under the dull light. 

"Have a seat."

"I... Why am I here?" you asked cautiously, a tinge of uncertainty laced in your speech. "What's your end game?"

Kylo let out a small chuckle as you navigated to the cushion furthest away from the helmet. 

"You know what I want."

"I really don't, actually."

He leaned in closer, his face now lit up more by the dim spotlight shining above the helmet on the table. "I want you to train with me."

"Absolutely not." You were confident that no matter what, you wouldn't crack. You wouldn't convert. You would die before aiding the Order.

Shifting slightly, Kylo let out a small sigh. "You know," he spoke slowly, "I've heard whispers... Rumors of a group of Jedi that had broken off from the the Jedi Order a long time ago. From what I understand this group had left the Jedi Order due to differing views on the force." At this point, Kylo had stood up and began making his way closer to you, taking a pause between each step. 

"This group openly criticized and rejected the Jedi Code. They maintained that its strictness was problematic, in a way. That peace could never come by a strictly black and white way of looking about things. That to achieve true peace, you needed to..." He was standing not a foot away from you now, towering above you. "Walk the line between the dark and the light." He knelt down to a squat, his eyes level with yours. 

"They were known as the Gray Jedi. Harnessing both the light and the dark of the force to bring about true balance."

You stared into his eyes, surrendering your captivation to his story. His words were like a match striking into a flame, a small fire igniting in your stomach. He leaned in to your side, his eyes closed, his breath hovering over your ear, his voice not more than a whisper, light and full of breath.

"You know the light well. The dark would bring you closer to a balance only imagined in this galaxy."

Never had you ever faced temptation like this before. A Jedi almost always ended up coming face to face with temptation at some point, but you were neither a Jedi nor a Sith. You were the in-between. You weren't black and white. You were gray. A gray wielder of the lightsaber, a gray fighter. A gray force user. A gray Jedi. 

Your head was spinning. Dizzy and weak from a mixture of exhaustion, malnutrition and emotional duress, your head lulled until you felt Kylo's forehead against your ear. His now ungloved hand lifted to your face, his face still buried in the side of your head, the warmth of his breath hitting your scalp and sending small bits of hair gently floating up and down. Allowing him to take your weight, you leaned into him and let your body relax against his. Your chest heaved as he gently pinched your earlobe between his teeth, your hand wrapping softly around his waste. His mouth traveled down to your neck as your head tilted and he planted several long kisses along your collar, stopping only when he reached the fabric of your top. You pulled him weakly closer to your chest, exhausted but wanting more of the sensation. With a final kiss planted on the other side of your neck, Kylo lead you down on the couch where you dozed off, your body unwilling to do anything more before a restful recovery was had. Before you drifted completely into sleep, you felt a light sheet cover your body and the room went black.


	7. The Gray, pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Pov switch again)
> 
> Kylo made a mistake before, but with some clever planning, he may just be able to salvage the caught rebel after all.

Again, Kylo Ren allowed his emotions to betray him. What he had intended on being an analysis on their combat abilities in a controlled environment ended up being a huge mistake on his part. What was it about that person that was so enticing? He had thought that his romantic feelings were long over, but somehow they had found their way to the top of his mind. It had taken years of hard work and training to bury them deep with every other contact he had in the light, and with one fell swoop, his work was in ruins. Kylo knew that this couldn't possibly continue, and yet he still couldn't manage to make himself dispose of them. What he needed was another option, a way that the two of them could coexist long enough for him to abandon his feelings... Or, perhaps, even bring them into the darkness with him

After sending them back to the containment chamber, Kylo tended to business around the ship, knowing that within a few hours, he would back at the Order headquarters. He withdrew to his room, his mask still on, the barrier between himself and the world. 

"Grandfather... What do I do? How do I confront these feelings? He spoke to himself quietly, wishing that his Grandfather's helmet was with him on this ship. Closing his eyes, he slipped into a deep meditation, hoping to yield some sort of answer to his dilemma. 

An hour passed by quickly for him, when his eyes shot open, glimmering with an idea. It seemed so obvious. The path he had nearly taken all those years ago. The fallen rebel, they had been making their way down this path without even knowing it, and with some luck, Kylo could be the one to introduce them to it. It was perfect. There was no way that they would be able to resist the temptation of learning the dark side of the force as they had yearned to so many years ago. The trick, now, was how to introduce the idea to them the right way.

A buzz rang through his room, interrupting his epiphany, and he stood up quickly, clicking his mask into place as he strode out of the room. The ship had landed and was in the process of docking, which meant that it was, unfortunately, time to meet with Hux again. General Hux. The thought of that feeble fool made his face contort into a sneer. The general had long been a nuisance to Kylo, especially in matters involving Kylo's training. Hux would be quick to point out the potential for emotional contention between Kylo and his captive, the thought of which nearly sent him into a storm of anger.

Quelling his agitation, Kylo Ren stepped out of the ship's entrance and into the docking station. A flurry of storm troopers marched past him, weapons in hand, all in nearly seamless sync. "Kylo Ren, you're late." That voice sent another wave of irritation over Kylo. He turned and saw Hux standing beside several lesser officers, all head to toe in uniform. 

"And we are one captive more because of it," spoke Kylo cooly, his voice distorted and deepened by the mask. Hux flouted the statement, turning his head to examine the repaired hole in the ship.

"It seems that your ship has suffered some serious damage. I would hope that you'd be able to better anticipate an attack."

Kylo's face flushed with anger, his hand gripping his lightsaber tightly, not noticing the storm troopers of his crew backing several steps away.

"Anyways," cooed Hux, "What use is this captive to us? You're not typically the type to attain prisoners. I was under the impression that you preferred to exterminate on site."

"You never were good at reading people, General. This particular rebel has a unique control over the force. Their affinity may provide extremely useful for the Order." Kylo looked to one of his troopers. "Fetch them."

Hux scoffed as the trooper obediently entered the ship, motioning for another to join. Kylo and Hux stood wordlessly for a moment as the two troopers marched out with the rebel. "I trust that this is the fallen rebel, then?" 

"They don't have any useful information, but their abilities with the force are strong. If we can break them, they would be an unparalleled ally." said Kylo Ren to the general in his deep and distorted voice.

The general's expression didn't change, though it further agitated Kylo to see he was almost amused. "I don't suppose your little mind tricks worked on this one, then." Kylo inhaled sharply, his grip on the hilt of his weapon tightening. He mustn't allow himself to lose control... Not so soon after the last time.

"As I said, their abilities with the force are... Stronger than most. It will take time with this one."

"And if you can't break them?"

Kylo Ren was silent for a beat. 

"Then we dispose of them, obviously," he growled, turning away from the abhorrent general.

Hux turned towards the rebel, his face closer than Kylo would have liked it to be. "And does this rebel scum have a name?"

"Bite me." Kylo stifled a chuckle. They were remarkably bold, something he had always admired about them.

"How uncivilized." Hux turned his head to look toward Kylo Ren. "Do what you must, but keep..." The general took a brief glance at them. "IT out of my sight. They seem to be practically frothing at the mouth." 

"Get close and see, imp trash," hissed the rebel, their teeth baring with resentment. The general looked stoically at the storm trooper to his right, prompting the masked trooper to backhand the rebel across the face. Kylo watched as their legs buckled from the pain, another glare of hostility shot towards Hux who could not see the seething animosity in his face.

Kylo Ren lead the way, stopping in front of a solo storm trooper standing in front of a heavy door. The trooper quickly stepped to the side, allowing Kylo to input a passcode and open the doors, where the storm troopers dragging the rebel showed them forward. Kylo felt them hit his back gently, turning to see them crumbled on the floor, deep in pain and pathetic. The troopers stood frigid and then backed away hastily, nearly dropping their weapons in fright. All of the turbulence that had been storing up inside of Kylo boiled up and exploded with a vengeance. Kylo turned and lifted his arm, force pushing them out of the room, filling his energy with the hate and frustration pent up inside of him for the past hour. The troopers tumbled out and Kylo turned to lift up the fallen rebel, dragging them as gently as he could. 

The rebel looked up at him, their eyes making a brief contact with his through the mask, and Kylo gazed down at their face. Their cheek was terribly swollen, but still, they looked perfect to him.

"So what now?" they asked, eyes still somehow locked with his.

"You wait until I find a use for you," lied Kylo. He could hardly admit to them that he was still in the process of figuring out how to handle the situation, and he intended on maintaining at the very least the illusion of power. Finally arriving at a vacant cell, he pushed her gently into the open door and closed it with a keypad on the outside wall. Kylo Ren stalked away, feeling more frustrated and confused than he had in years. 

That day was filled with meetings, mostly with the idiot general and perhaps the most competent warrior in this ship aside from himself, Captain Phasma. During the meetings, Kylo's mind drifted off to his plan for the rebel. He needed to find a time and place to make them feel comfortable, like they were his equal. The more he thought about it, the more his plan formed, until the next day, after a brief meeting with Lord Snoke, he decided to plunge into action.

Kylo made his way towards the cells when he was interrupted by Hux, who was walking out of a room adjacent to him. "On your way to see the ever-famous rebel you were boasting to Snoke about?" Hux sneered smugly. "You know, they were rather alluring, that rebel. While I could do without the temper, they seem like they could use a-"

With a fluid motion, Kylo pulled his lightsaber out and held it to the general's throat.

"Do not. Touch. Them. Don't think about them, don't look at them, don't even consider them as existing." He moved in closer to Hux, his lightsaber wavering a mere few inches from the quivering torso. "They are my project, and if you interfere, Snoke will need to find a new general, because your body will be floating through space in several parts." The general looked uneasily at Kylo Ren and backed away. He turned to walk away, but not before getting the last word.

"You may need to watch yourself, Kylo Ren. What was it that Snoke was telling you about... Not falling into the light?"

Kylo stormed off, his robes cascading behind him. Abandoning the thoughts of the general, he finally approached the containment chambers and made his way towards the rebel. Upon entering the chamber, he looked down to see them shredding bits of tissue into the waste bowl.

"Keeping ourselves entertained?" he asked, bemused by the sight before him.

"Paper mache," said the rebel, a disinterest in their voice. "I'm going to make a knife and fight my way out with it."

 

Kylo scoffed. "Get up. We have work to do."

He turned out and lead the rebel to his room, dismissing the trooper accompanying them, as this was the moment that would make or break his plan. Inputting the code, he guided the rebel inside and walked briskly to the meditation room where his grandfather's helmet sat on a low table, the only ceiling light in the room pointed towards it. Slipping past the table and onto the couch, he watched as the rebel stared at the helmet, almost transfixed by it as he often was.

"Have a seat."

"I... Why am I here?" they asked cautiously, a tinge of uncertainty laced in their speech. "What's your end game?" 

Kylo let out a small chuckle as they cautiously sat down on the couch opposite him. 

"You know what I want."

"I really don't, actually."

He leaned in closer, his face now lit up more by the dim spotlight shining above the helmet on the table. "I want you to train with me."

"Absolutely not." 

Shifting slightly, Kylo let out a small sigh. "You know," he spoke slowly, "I've heard whispers... Rumors of a group of Jedi that had broken off from the the Jedi Order a long time ago. From what I understand this group had left the Jedi Order due to differing views on the force." At this point, Kylo had stood up and began making his way closer to them, his speech working to maintain their attention.

"This group openly criticized and rejected the Jedi Code. They maintained that its strictness was problematic, in a way. That peace could never come by a strictly black and white way of looking about things. That to achieve true peace, you needed to..." He was standing not a foot away from them now, looking down at them with a suppressed excitement stirring inside of him. "Walk the line between the dark and the light." He knelt down to a squat, his eyes level with theirs.

"They were known as the Gray Jedi. Harnessing both the light and the dark of the force to bring about true balance."

He leaned in to their side, his eyes closed, his mouth hovering over their ear, his voice not more than a whisper, light and full of breath.

"You know the light well. The dark would bring you closer to a balance only imagined in this galaxy."

Kylo could tell that their mind was whirling. Knowing their shields were down, he took a light dip into their mind, seeing and feeling the thoughts as they raced across the brain. 

Kylo rested his head against their ear, now sure that he was successful. His now ungloved hand lifted to their face, his face still buried in the side of their head, the scent of their hair overwhelming and tempting. He felt them relax their boy onto his, an unspoken and physical sign of surrender. Feeling aroused by the touch of their skin, Kylo gently bit their ear and tasted them slowly. He allowed himself this one concession, a prize of sorts for his success. His mouth traveled down to their neck and planted several long kisses along their collar, taking in the moment to its fullest. It was almost too much for him to bear when they pulled him weakly to their chest, wanting to be closer to him in their time of weakness. With a final kiss planted on the other side of their neck, Kylo laid them down on the couch, leaving the room only to return with a light sheet.

The adrenaline slowly waned as he stalked out of the room and into his own, where he removed his top and sat on his bed. From here on out, anything could happen, and he knew he needed to be prepared for that. Feeling pleased with the outcome of everything, he fell onto his bed and drifted off into another dreamless sleep, knowing that good things surely must be ahead.


	8. The Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (More smut this time! I'm getting a bit better at writing, and it was suggested that I try to lengthen the experience a bit, which I have hopefully successfully done this time around. Thank you guys for your support! This being my first work, it really means a lot to me! I love you, and thank you for reading this far!)
> 
> You've made your decision, and to seal the deal, you decide to abandon any bars holding you back.

 

When you awoke, your muscles were no longer aching. The light sheet laid atop you was hardly wrinkled, the sign of a long and peaceful slumber on your part. You sniffed the air and could detect an aroma of fresh food, a scent that you had been aching for since you had been captured. With a satisfying stretch, you sat up and let your feet drop to the floor. Your boots were neatly placed by the coffee table, and a fresh set of clothing was laid out for you, pristinely folded and smelling oddly sterile, much like the rest of the ship. You lifted your shirt off and tossed it to the couch, picking up the new outfit to see what you would have to wear now. The top was slick and gray, form fitting and made from a moisture wicking fabric. It felt just like the training tops you often wore back when you were in training at the Resistance base. The sound of an opening door caused you to stop reminiscing about your early Resistance days and look over to see a surprised Kylo Ren standing in the doorway, his eyes flickering from yours to your unclothes torso. You turned around quickly, squeezing the top over your head and onto your body silently, trying not to make a big deal out of the breach of privacy.

The scent of food wafted towards you as you turned to greet him, and you noticed a bowl in his hands. Seeing you eying the bowl, he smirked and walked in, holding the bowl out to you.

 "You must be starving. The food served to the prisoners here isn't exactly the most satisfying."

Inside the bowl was a menagerie of fruits and oats, a strangely colorful concoction contrasting with the dark colors of the ship. "Uh, thanks." You took the bowl and didn't hesitate to eat a piece of the fruit, not caring much if it was poisoned or tampered with. The way you saw it, at this point, it was either death or escape...

Well, maybe not. Maybe there was a third option, one that you had only begun to consider shortly before your passing out the night before. Maybe.

Your attention was snapped back into reality as Kylo turned and walked back through the door, motioning for you to follow him. The cold floor felt nice on your bare feet as you followed him, arriving at a small dining table, undecorated and bare in his living quarters. Sitting on the table was a bowl of fruit and oats similar to yours, half eaten. Kylo sat in his seat, his robes hanging off of the chair casually, a strange thing to see a fledgling Sith Lord do. He really was remarkably casual behind closed doors, and again, his attitude reminded you of the Ben you wished was still inside of him. You joined him at the table, sitting across from him, still picking at the food in your bowl. Noticing you eying the large glass of water by his plate, he slid the glass towards you, and you chugged it with voracity.

"Feeling a bit more awake?"

You set the glass down on the table and wiped your mouth on your arm. "Yeah, I guess so." For the first time since you've been in his clutches, you looked into his eyes with no malice, but a feeling of cautious apathy. "Last night. About the... The Gray Jedi thing," you started. He nodded for you to continue. After another bite of fruit, you continued. "How do I know you're not going to try to convert me? I just. Listen," you said as you propped your elbows on the table, "I don't trust you. Not anymore. I don't even want to try to get into your mind and play those dumb mind tricks like you do, I just... I need you to... To..." Kylo Ren continued looking towards you calmly, almost happily.

"I understand why you wouldn't trust me. Frankly, I don't trust you. But seeing as you only have a few options, you should probably go with the one that will teach you more than you thought you could ever know. Who knows, maybe I'm making a mistake." He stood up, a spark igniting in his eyes as he stalked towards you. "You have so much potential." His hand was then gripping the back of your chair. "You could change the course of everything both sides have been working towards." Again, just like last night, his face was close to yours, his hand brushing a stray strand of hair from your face, your noses practically touching. "I believe that we can change the galaxy."

Your face was flushed with red, the heat of his gaze penetrating you. Your body felt small compared to his, and your mind was again racing, an aching of outcomes shooting past each other. The time to make your decision was at hand. Would you surrender to the Order and stay a captive? Could you face the darkness head on and tip toe the line separating the sides of light and dark? Even if you did decide to train under Kylo Ren, could you resist the temptation of the darkness? Of the ways you and Ben had been similar, most often illustrated was your passion fueled anger, the predecessor of most Sith souls. Your heart pounded and a sweat was working its way slowly across your forehead. Kylo's face stayed directly in front yours, staring right into your eyes. You felt him inside of your mind, perusing your thoughts and memories. You didn't fight it. It was painful to admit to yourself, and you knew he would now know this too, but you sought an outside opinion, another person to guide your thoughts the right direction. Kylo Ren was hardly the best suitor, but you were out of options, and the answer was becoming more and more clear.

Kylo lifted your chin with his hand and spoke with a breathiness to his voice, like a whisper in the wind.

"You know what to do."

 Your body was on autopilot. The decision had been made, and you knew there was no backing out of this. Once an idea like this had been planted, it was no longer something you could simply pluck away like a weed. It was something that would grow no matter what, a plant that you could never kill or chop down, a tree that would never be harvested. It was a promise you made to yourself, your determination cementing it not into a theory, but a fact. You pulled Kylo's head towards your face and kissed him softly, a move meant to seal the metaphorical deal You felt him lift you to your feet as you continued kissing him softly, breaking in between each kiss for a small look at him. Still loosely intertwined, he guided your body across the room and into what you could only surmise was his bedroom.

Wrapping his arms around you fully, he laid you onto the unmade bed, sheets still wrinkled and smelling like his skin, the soft blankets cradling your body under his. You were struck with the sensation that this was not at all a new feeling, as if you were reliving a night with Ben, coming together in the throes of passion, your bodies melting into one. His hand felt its way downwards until it was under your clothes between your spread legs, caressing you softly. You let out a small cry as he sped up, your hands squeezing his broad shoulders. The sensation filled your chest with warmth and your breathing became heavier, each touch of his a revolution for your world, and you squeezed his body with your legs, toes curled in ecstasy. 

"I've missed you," he whispered into your ear, his breathing now heavy like yours. You turned to look him in the eyes.

"I know."

You pulled him closer, nestling your face into his neck, and breathed into his ear, firmly nibbling on his ear lobe. Your hands delicately navigated down to him, and you grasped him firmly. Almost all the way erect, his skin felt like silky in your hands, velvety and smooth, your fingers traveling up and down his length until you reached its end. Fondling him tenderly but firmly with one hand, the other gently rubbing his balls, you began rolling your hand down towards his body, reversing the motion several times. You reeled your hands up and down him slowly and firmly, squeezing the end of his cock before repeating again. He groaned and inhaled deeply, his muscles tightening as he kissed your neck and arched subtly with pleasure.

He pulled his hand from between your legs and slowly slid down your bottoms, your hands navigating to his to do the same. You arched your back, bringing your hips to meet his, and reached down for him, guiding him into you with ease. Slowly, you felt him rhythmically push into you, each thrust filling you deeper until it felt as if there were no empty parts left in you. You tightened your muscles around him, gripping him inside of you, prompting a groan of pleasure from him as he continued thrusting. His baritone voice felt like music to your ears, and you pulled your body up to his, letting out a moan yourself as you felt him completely inside of you. Your arms were reaching up past your head now, gripping the wrinkled sheets to hold yourself in place. With his final few thrusts, he ran his arms up your sides and reached for your hands, your fingers intertwining. The depth of desire you had for him now was overwhelming, a filling sensation of lust more intense than you had ever felt before. 

You felt yourself climax with pleasure, the both of you releasing the built up pleasure from your bodies along the crumpled sheets. Kylo's arms wrapped around you weakly, the scent of sex in the air, and you knew that this was the best possibly position you could be in for the moment. You brushed his hair from out of his face, his eyes opening to look into yours, and you placed your hand along his face. You kissed him tenderly one last time before sitting up slowly.

"Enough. We have work to do." With that you glided out of his room, eyes towards the future, knowing that the tough decisions you would have to face had only just begun.


	9. The Strong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Thanks for bearing with me, I've been too busy to write regularly, so this chapter is a bit late, but I think it's a pretty fun one! Again, all criticism and comments are super welcome! If I don't respond, I promise I read your comment and took it to heart, I just get shy to reply sometimes~ I love you guys, and please enjoy!)  
> You've made your choice, and it's time to begin your journey into the darkness.

_"I can show you how to be strong... In the real way._

_And I know that we can be strong... In the real way._

_And I want to inspire you, I want to be your rock,_

_And when I talk It lights a fire in you..."_

_-Rebecca Sugar_

 

After declaring you had work to do, his long arms grasped your torso and pulled you back onto the bed, a strange sign of affection. It was no wonder that Kylo Ren had always felt so cold to the touch when you weren't showing whatever delusion of affection you felt towards him. Behind closed doors, he was like a furnace, emanating a heat that you craved to be close to. But outside of a select few private spaces, the darkness of the force that he soaked up like a black hole was enough to send a small army of goosebumps down your arms. To be that dark, it must be miserable. You could hardly imagine feeling so much anger and hatred and fear so often to draw upon those powers, but you had made the choice to closer examine those emotions inside of you, and hopefully to channel them into a power that will allow you to put an end to the First Order once and for all. Finally feeling some semblance of equality to your captor, you decided to discuss something that had been weighing on your mind over the past hour as you lay in bed next to him, the weight on your shoulders of the choice you had made suddenly feeling more and more intense.

"So..." You turned to face him, your bangs hanging in your face limply. "What's your plan for keeping me here? Won't that asshole general get suspicious if I'm not in a containment chamber or whatever you call it?" Kylo stared at the ceiling blankly, a calmness on his face that you didn't recognize.

"You'll be under my training now, which means you'll need to show us a sign of your loyalty."

You scrunched your nose. "That's news to me."

He continued staring upwards. "That's because you don't think things through. Always too impulsive."

With a quick shove, you sent a pile of blankets at him, a surge of irritation welling up inside of you. "You're making the hatred part of the training easier and easier for me to attain, your royal darkness." Kylo sat up and sent a glare your way,  and began redressing from the clothes on the floor.

"You can lose the attitude. I'm doing you a favor by training you. If you slip up and try anything stupid, you'll be exterminated on the spot." He looked towards you after putting his pants on as you reached towards your clothes, the sheet from the bed wrapped around in a small gesture of modesty. "And don't bother with those clothes. You'll be dressing the part of an apprentice if you're going to be an apprentice."

You glowered l, looking down at your discarded clothing. It hadn't yet occurred to you that you would be viewed as an apprentice, and you weren't terribly keen on the label and its demeaning connotations. The idea of working with Kylo Ren was frustrating enough, but to be open about receiving his tutelage was going to be downright humiliating. You sat on the bed, still glowering.

"So what do I wear now, then?"

Kylo inputted a series of commands into one of the computers embedded in the walls, ignoring your question openly, and stood up.

"Wait here. I'll be back."

With a scoff, you fell back onto the bed. Whatever it was that you would have to do to "prove your loyalty" to the Order or the dark side or something, whatever, you knew it wouldn't be pleasant. In fact, it was starting to get pretty damn worrisome. From what you knew, the darkness required some sort of sacrifice in order to show your dedication. Surely you wouldn't have to do something like that, though? It wasn't like you were dedicated strictly to the darkness, and you knew Kylo knew that, too. You even had an inkling that he wasn't entirely dedicated as well, but you knew that entering his mind the way he had yours was out of your realm of power for the time being.It was a good two hours before Kylo Ren came back into his private quarters, the most oh which you spent peeking into the nooks and crannies of his living space, trying to uncover any sort of information you could find about him, anything to shed some light on his plans and possibly even his motives.He strode into the room as you were laying across the couch in one of his undershirts, which was easily large enough to hang down to your mid thighs, reading one of the few books you could find in his room. The book you had chosen was a series of short stories, all of which were ended in tragedy, a useful tool for people like him who relied on negative emotions and energy to fuel their power. A pile of clothes was tossed onto your lap, and as you looked from the pile and back up to Kylo's mask, you could sense something akin to tension in the air.

"Bad day at the office?"

"You'll join me in five minutes. Get dressed."

Obeying his short command, you grabbed the clothes and carefully walked into his room, where you changed as quickly as you could. The outfit given to you was strikingly similar to his, almost as if it had been made from the same pattern, the biggest difference being the total lack of armor on yours. The material dark and smooth, much deeper in color than Kylo's now faded robes, and as you tossed a large belt aside in favor of a more flowy feel, you looked into the only mirror in the room and saw a darker version of yourself standing alone in a First Order room. It was a strange an unnerving sight, but you banished the feelings of unease and walked briskly out of the room.

Kylo was standing still and silently by the exit, barely noting your entrance. His expression was unreadable behind his mask as he opened the door using a code you still did not know, and lead you out into the halls.

"Rules." He spoke to you without facing you and he continued onward. "Obey every command I give you without question. I am in command, not you. The ship's crew will not take orders from you, and you will not take orders from them unless I say so. From here on out," he said as he look at you over his shoulder, "You are mine." The words hit you like a ton of bricks, and you began to wonder if the decision you had made to explore the darkness was indeed the right one to make. Before you were able to finish your anxious thoughts, Kylo stopped at a guarded entrance to another quadrant of the ship. The troopers slid silently the opposite directions away from the door, giving Kylo Ren and yourself clearance to enter.

Further into the corridor, you could hear shouting and shuffling, and you saw waves of soldiers marching past you. Finally reaching the end of the corridor, you followed Kylo into a huge militia room, nearly the size of the entire Resistance base itself, marveling at the sheer number of soldiers rushing around you. The detestable General you had met when you arrived to the base was standing upon a podium high above all else, barking order after order towards a confusing number of lesser members of the militia. He spotted the two of you and after speaking briefly to an underling standing at his side, exited the podium and made his way towards you.

Kylo stopped, standing in wait for the general to arrive, likely readying himself for a verbal attack.

"Oh good, you've brought the new rebel recruit," said the General, looking at you with a raised eyebrow.

"Out of the way. Save your condescension for another time, general. There's much work to be done." The general scoffed haughtily, looking up to Kylo with disgust.

"I find it hard to believe that, in the span of three days, you've been able to convert a rebel who was just breaking into your ship to steal information for the resistance into your apprentice."  
You couldn't help but hide a small smile behind your hand at the thought of the two in a spat, a vocal cat fight between two grown men. In a small way, their arguments and catty speak even started to heal some of the injuries to your ego that you had acquired since you'd been caught.

"You're not exactly in the position to make those types of assumptions."

"How so?"

All at once, a thought collided its way into your mind: Show him your power. Show him your power. Show him your power. Show him your power. Show him your power. The thought was repeating itself in your mind like a looped holomessage, nearly sending you into a panic before you realized what Kylo Ren was doing. You had let your guard down again, and he was using that fact to his advantage over General Hux. Normally, you weren't the type to give in to this kind of mental manipulation, but Kylo was immensely strong, and you would be lying if you claimed that you hadn't wanted to deck the General in his gross ginger face since the moment he first sneered at you. Another thought nagged at you suddenly: Do not hit him, show him your POWER. Do not hit him, show him your POWER. Do not hit him, show him your POWER. Do not hit him, show him your POWER.

Without thinking further, you obeyed the mental command. Your hands raised slightly and a blast of force energy was sent towards a large gathering of storm troopers, sending dozens of them flying backwards, the cracks of their armor hitting the walls and floors echoing through the vicinity. Weapons clattered to the ground and yelps of confusion rang, adding to the cacophony and you smiled to yourself, the thoughts fading from your mind and a sensation of pride taking their place.

The General curled his lip in disdain, looking from Kylo to you, finally knocked down a peg to your satisfaction.

"If you'll excuse us," said Kylo Ren, pushing past Hux without any regard for the wide berth of room made by your power play. Lost momentarily in your thoughts, you rushed to catch up with him and turned your head over your shoulder, smiling cockily at the fuming General.

After walking through the hall, you were lead by Kylo Rcounter en to a series of doors, all of which were labelled with a form of combat, ranging from "ARTILLERY" to "AERIEL MANEUVERING" and "HAND TO HAND/NO WEAP," He opened the door to "GEN. TRAIN. #17" with another one of his endless mystery passcodes and entered, his robe billowing out from behind him, yours doing the same.

Inside, the "GEN. TRAIN. #17" room was mostly bare, similar to the one you had been in back on Kylo's own ship. The walls and floors were padded, but unlike the previous training room, this one was littered with mounds and crevices made from a thick vinyl, mimicking a natural environment that might be encountered on the battlefield. Kylo snapped his fingers and you looked towards him, embarrassed that your attention had wandered off so easily. Your eyes widened in surprise as he tossed you a metal cylinder no bigger than a flashlight. He tossed you a real, functioning lightsaber. Before switching it on, you looked up at him, confused by his handing you an instrument you could easily use to overpower him if you dared try.

"In this room, we have never met. I am your enemy, and you are mine. No mercy will be had, no rules will be made. You will come at me with all you've got, and I will retaliate." You switched on the lightsaber, the blade a bright red, sending a red light across your bare hands.

"You will not stop until one of us is taken down and at the mercy of the other. And most importantly," he said firmly, "You will use no force control unless it comes from the darkness."

Waiting for no sign and taking his words to heart, you lunged without a pause at him, your lightsaber swinging in your hands. His weapon fired up in retaliation, the three bladed saber blocking your blows with ease. "Weak. You have no passion. It's disgusting," he growled through the mask. Not waiting for him to retaliate, you spun around and sent another series of swings and blows at him, working to channel your anger and frustrations into each swing, each one blocked by his blade.

"You're not mad enough, clearly. Still harboring hope for Ben, perhaps?" The words hurt you, against your wishes. You faltered before taking a swing, the sting of your past crawling up your back, giving him just enough of an opening to graze your left shoulder. Gritting your teeth against the pain, you stepped quickly upwards on one of the mounds, ending up several feet above his head, dodging his attacks while trying to maintain your footing. He followed suit, climbing the mound until you were dueling with only a few inches of height difference between yourself and him, your body still trying to convert your anger into a usable energy.

Blood dripped from your wounded shoulder as you dashed past him, your blade hitting the mound just beyond Kylo's feet, melting the vinyl just before his feet hit the tempered vinyl. Stepping in place as per your guess, his foot slipped and he wavered, nearly falling from the mound. You swung your saber at him, aiming towards his arm to incapacitate him without killing him, when your body abruptly froze up, the grip of an invisible hand squeezing the muscles of your body in place. Kylo regained his footing and stood up, raising his arm and your body simultaneously, and with one fluid motion, sent your body flying into an adjacent wall. You dropped from the wall a good four feet and while the flooring has some padding to it, the entire left side of your body lit up with pain. You felt your body lifting up again as Kylo Ren stalked towards you, his left arm outstretched, his right wielding his lit saber, its jagged edges sending strange flurries of light around its aura. He brought the saber up and he got within arms reach of you and plunged it into your chest, right where your heart is, and the metal hilt hit you with a cold thud.

"Had I kept it on," he spoke quietly, "You'd be dead where you stand." Your body slumped down indelicately, his arm lowering to his side. Kylo Ren stood above you, looking down through his mask, and spoke plainly with no emotion in his tone.

"You are weak, relying too much on your connection with the light. Embarrass yourself like this again and I won't take the time to mourn as they drag out your disfigured corpse." You looked at him blankly, your breath still heavy with adrenaline. He knelt down onto one knee, still several inches above eye level with you, and took off his mask, peering into your eyes with a familiar tinge of fire burning in his expression.

"Abandon hope for Ben. Ben is dead. General Organa was right about that. I'm going to teach you how to channel that fear I see in your eyes into raw strength." His eyes were practically alight with sparks of fire now.  
_"You're going to learn to be strong in the real way."_


End file.
